Archive for December, 2023

A Miracle in Snow

Tuesday, December 12th, 2023

Happy 6th day of Hanukkah, everyone!

Here’s an unpublished picture book/retelling I wrote a few years ago. Shared now because I figure we can use all the extra miracles….

Sometimes, we don’t believe in the miracles.

Sometimes, we can’t see anything ahead of us.

But we keep going.

***

A MIRACLE IN SNOW

One winter evening, when the sky was an ocean—deep and blue and full of hidden things…

A woman pulled on her heaviest coat. And stepped into her boots…

“Leah, where are you going?” asked Sarah. “Tonight is the first night of Hanukkah, and it’s nearly sundown. Time to light the candles!”

But Leah shook her head. “Hanukkah is well and good. But our woodpile is empty and there’s a storm coming. What if we lose power?”

“What if we don’t?” said Sarah “Stay with me, and celebrate the miracle of the oil.”

But Leah waved her hand in the air. “I’ll be back soon!” she called over her shoulder. “Miracles are a nice idea, but they won’t keep us warm.”

She opened the door, letting in a gust of wind, sharp as a knife.

Sarah pulled her sweater close. “Oh!” she cried. “I don’t think you have time. The snow is almost here. Can’t you smell it?”

Leah peered up at the sky and shook her head. “I’ll chop quickly and make it home before the storm,” she said. “I won’t go far.” And she left.

Sarah gazed after Leah as she trudged into the chilly dusk.

Then in the sky, stars began to appear, so Sarah quickly closed the door, turned, and ran… …to fetch her menorah.

She struck a match and lit the candles.

She sang the blessings.

Then she sat on the sofa, to watch the candles blaze in the front window.

As darkness swallowed the house, Sarah grew cold, but the glow from the candles filled the room with a warm light. And she began to doze.

Meanwhile, deep in the woods behind the house, Leah gathered sticks and swung her hatchet. She called out to the trees. “Miracles, ha! Who needs them?”

And when she had filled her sledge, Leah stood back and admired her handiwork, in the light from her lantern.

“Now, THERE’S a miracle,” she boasted to the night sky. “A job well done.”

The sky answered her with a sudden howl of wind, and then… The snow came.

It began in a dizzying burst of huge flakes that swirled and rushed like dry leaves.

In an instant, the world was a blur, a confusing flutter, and Leah was lost inside a blizzard.

She could see no trees.

She could see no path at her feet.

She could not even find her sledge.

Then… Leah stumbled, fell against a stump, and hit the ground, shattering her lantern.

Her feet became numb. Ice gathered in her hair. Her eyes drifted shut.

But in her dream… she caught a glimpse, a fleeting vision of Sarah, dozing in the glow of her candles…

It warmed her, and she sat back up.

“Oh, if only…” she said sadly, “If only I had stayed home. What I wouldn’t give for a miracle now.”

And that might have been the end of the story. But a moment later… Two tiny lights floated before her, a few feet away, As if a pair of fireflies were dancing side by side.

“It’s not possible,” Leah said. “…and yet…”

When she stood and reached a hand towards the lights, they began to move, to drift away from her.

Leah took a step.

And then another.

In this way, she left the woods, moving slowly through the snow that stung her cheeks.

Leah squinted into the shrieking wind And though she was still trapped inside the storm, always, always… the lights drifted before her eyes. Fading and flickering, but never going out.

Hours later, Leah found herself before her own front window.

Where, as she watched, the two drifting lights disappeared. On the OTHER side of the glass. Just as the sun began to rise.

“But…” stammered Leah. “That’s impossible!”

When she opened the door and fell inside, Leah startled Sarah awake.

Sarah gasped at the snow-covered figure. “My stars…” she cried. And after that, “Oh, Leah, thank goodness!”

She jumped up and pulled the icy coat from Leah’s shoulders, replaced it with a warm blanket.

Then Sarah turned, and frowned. She pointed at two burnt wicks, still smoking in the menorah.

“It’s very strange,” she said. “I’ve been sleeping here since you left, but the candles are just now dying. How on earth did they last the night?”

Leah shrugged. “Oh, I suppose it’s just a miracle,” she said, kicking off her boots.

“A miracle?” said Sarah. “I thought you did not have time for miracles.”

Leah smiled. “Let’s make oatmeal,” she said. “I’m cold and hungry. That will be a miracle too.”

But in fact, Sarah and Leah did not eat right away.

Instead, they sat together by the window, and stared at the menorah a little longer.

They watched as two last wisps of white smoke curled from the burnt candle-ends, drifted into the air, and vanished.

And suddenly, beyond the window, an extraordinary sunrise turned the entire glittering world to morning.

THE END

Every story is incomplete…

Monday, December 11th, 2023


 

I’ve been thinking so much lately about how my own awareness of social media affects the way I actually experience the world…

Many years ago, in the early days of Twitter (but before I had a smart phone), there was a day when the site went down. As a result, I turned off my laptop, and resurfaced for the first time from being deeply submerged in online community. I remember that I took my kids to the park that afternoon, and I sat there on a bench, feeling disconnected, and aware that I was “thinking Tweets” I couldn’t send. 

It was the first time I’d ever considered how my urge to “share” my thoughts was meaningfully affecting the development of the thoughts themselves. For the very first time, I became hyper aware that my thoughts were no longer just for me. Rather, I was curating and editing as I went. And not just my thoughts, but my activities, surroundings, life choices. 

I’ve wrestled ever since with how much my awareness of the online world affects my interior life. Periodically, I deactivate my accounts, and “reset” for a bit, but I always come back. I’m a deeply social creature, for better or worse. I struggle with this balance, and often teeter-totter back and forth. Even though I know I’m my healthiest/happiest self when I’m less online. 

But I bring the subject up today because I’ve become intensely aware of how social media (and the specific community here) is affecting not just what I choose to say online, but how I feel inside myself, as I consider recent world events. There are words I have been willing to use, and words I have not been willing to use, for fear of causing my friends and family members pain. There have been spaces I’ve been willing to occupy, and spaces I haven’t been. That’s not something I’m especially ashamed of (though I might feel differently if I thought I had any real power to meaningfully affect policy), but I do worry about how those choices have affected how I THINK about recent events. I don’t like that idea at all. 

What, I wonder, have I not allowed myself to think or feel, because my thoughts and feelings are so often tied up with what I’m likely to say/share/post about those thoughts and feelings later? 

And you? What, I wonder, might you do differently, if you knew nobody would ever hear about it, or see it? How might you process the world differently, if you felt your thoughts belonged to you, alone? Are there things you think on the inside, but don’t share? Are you aware of individuals in your feed who particularly alter what you present to “the world?” Are there things you post to one SM platform, but not another, because your communities in those spaces vary? Do you ever post at night, and then immediately make it private, because you know that by morning, you may come to regret your words? Do you lie? Or maybe adjust the story a little, tilt the camera or crop a photo, so that the online image is the best possible depiction of your actual life? 

I do! I try not to, but of course I do. I take 20 selfies to get one I want to post. I angle my ring light during Zooms, so that nobody can see the collection of dirty coffee cups on my desk. And those things are minor, of course, but then I wonder whether that doesn’t take an eventual toll– both the curation, and the need to reconcile the fact of it with my sense of what’s more true. The dissonance between the truth and the near-truth. The effort involved. 

As a writer, I LOVE sharing my thoughts and feelings with an audience. This kind of sharing has been my life, more or less– my work, as well as the basis for most of my relationships.–since about age nine. But I don’t like feeling like I OWE anyone my thoughts and feelings. I don’t like feeling as though the sharing is keeping me from arriving at my own assessments, or living my most honest life on the inside. I don’t like feeling like I can’t disappear and keep my thoughts to myself, when I crave that. 

So I guess I just want to remind folks (and myself) that we are all on our own individual journeys. That thinking takes time. That you’re allowed to change your mind about things. You’re allowed to disagree with people you love, and you’re allowed to do it quietly. You’re allowed to stay silent until you feel ready to speak. Often, lately, we are called upon to speak up before we have even had time to gather any information. We are asked to act before we even know what that might entail. 

I’ve worked hard, these last two months, to read and listen and process with people I trust. I’ve leaned heavily on some of you, and I’m grateful. I’ve learned a lot, but not nearly enough. I’ve also tried to start some conversations, and found that they have ALL moved immediately to private messages, and flourished there, though they couldn’t seem to exist in the glaring light of a public platform. There’s been a lesson in that, for me. 

Why am I saying all of this now? I’m not sure. What purpose does it serve? Likely none. Will anyone care? Maybe not. But it’s something I’ve been sitting with for many weeks, and it feels true. If anyone wants to engage, I’m here. If maybe a little quieter than usual. 

Happy Hanukkah to all of you. Here is a little bit of light, from my home to yours. Though of course this is only one portrait of the light, one angle, one moment. You’ll never know what got cropped from this shot, what happened before or after it was taken, what we were discussing in that moment…
Every story is incomplete.